You Know The Economy's Bad When...

So I see this furniture commercial that begins with voiceover and giant red titles,
"Big Chest Sale!"
Of course I can't help but picture large breasted women getting deals. And others, "sorry M'am, you don't qualify".
What can I say... my mind...

I Have Some Funny Friends

So I sometimes go to this yoga class. I don't love the instructor (she's "ok") but the class time/location is convenient. So I have two friends who rarely go but do so once in awhile so they know the class/instructor. For some unknown reason, the instructor always seems to pick on Friend 1 when they attend. So one day the three of us (me & the two friends) are all hanging out and myself and Friend 1 are telling Friend 2 about how the instructor picks on Friend 1. One of the really annoying things about the instructor is that she will say things to Friend 1 like, "wow, you are REALLY tight" (when clearly it's not that they're tight but just that they aren't understanding the pose). So Friend 3 (female in case it matters) says in response, "just say to her (the instructor), 'what, you jealous?'"

Can you picture it?...
"Wow, you are REALLY tight!"
"Jealous?"

That totally cracked me up.

Football Forwarding Finesse

So I'm no football expert but I get the basics. On a Sunday I often put the games on to record and that way I can skip through commercials. If there are a lot of games on t.v. that I'm interested in, or if I'm just short on time or interest, I'll often watch the plays of the game without much of the commentary and so forth. The skip button on the dvr does about 30 seconds and if I can get into a good rhythm (me and the quarterback, you know how it is) I can get the timing going so well that I literally see everyone set up on the line of scrimmage, watch the play, hit skip, and see the next set up on the line of scrimmage. That's when my equivalent of the passer rating goes way up and I get a real feeling of satisfaction. When I lose the rhythm or something throws it off, I sometimes see a guy running into the end zone and have to use the back button to see the beginning of the play and as I know what happens, it kind of ruins it. It's kind of like getting sacked.