Kid Lit

The scene: floor with a young child's stuff scattered on it.

For some reason, I happen to notice a book, laying face down on the floor.
One of those typical books for preschool kids, with the shiny hardcover and bright colours.
But what leaps out at me? At the top, it says (complete with little graphics and all that cuteness):
"1 Chick is good, but aren't 2 Chicks even better?"
Oh dear.
So I turn to another childless person and snarf about this. They are amused and shake their head at me.

Enter the child's doting grandmother.
So I'm feeling frisky and I pick up the book, point to the relevant stuff on the cover, and tell the grandmother in a mock-serious tone that I'm not sure this kind of reading is appropriate material for a 2 year old, that threesomes are of a morality that is questionable, blah blah blah (whatever I could come up with). Perhaps you had to be there, but it was pretty funny. But just when I think this fun episode of diversion is over, I notice that further down on the back cover are some other book titles...you must imagine the jaw-dropping, facial muscle-screwing up look that came over my face when I read, "Bitter With Baggage Seeks Same" and "Going for the Bronze: Still Bitter, More Baggage". On a book for "baby, preschool" reading level??? I mean I was joking around about all that threesome, morality stuff, but really, are we embittering a generation of babies/preschoolers with bitterness and baggage? WTF?! Upon further perusal, I find out that the books are adult titles by the same author. Uh huh, I'd watch out, she's probably slipping some bitterness in her baby books too. Consider yourselves warned. Great Blogspectations, a public service.

Classic Sayings Adaptation

Setting: A visit to a home that is lived in by bachelors. Not that I'm trying to stereotype. But the dust bunnies are LARGE, the toilet rims/seats are crusty, and there are various food crumbs around chairs in eating areas (enabling one to study the recent eating patterns of the species - much nicer than having to look at spoor, don't you think?!)

So a recent meal consisted of some chips, evidenced by chip chunks scattered around a kitchen chair. One got stuck to my foot. I thus proclaimed, "You've heard of having a chip on your shoulder, well this is having a chip on the foot!" This resulted in mirth. (Shouldn't have encouraged me). I therefore later pronounced, "You've heard of a chip off the old block? Well this is a chip on the old sock!"

Yeah.