Long Time T.V. Viewer, First Time Live Viewer

So after a few times of planning to go in person to watch a procycling stage race and cancelling or not going, I finally did it. I went to Colorado to attend the 2013 USA Pro-Cycling Challenge. I was a bit uneasy, having only watched on t.v. and not knowing Colorado and having to deal with road closures and parking yada yada yada. But after my first taste I was more than sold, so glad I did it. It's been a few days now and I figured maybe I should blog about it so I have a record somewhere.

Bucket List cont'd

13) If I were really rich, I'd love to own a racehorse. Doesn't have to be a Derby winner, but decent at least. Lotta heart. So imagine my joy when I came across a "Racehorse Name Generator" at http://generatorland.com/glgenerator.aspx?id=87 How about Flummoxed Dusty Rabscallion...how cool is that!!! I'm a little worried they didn't do their homework though, I thought there was a limit to the length of registered thoroughbred names...maybe 17 characters or something? I just looked it up at the Jockey Club, 18 max. Darn you Generator Land, my dreams are foiled!


14) Have I talked (blogged) about this before?? I feel like I have. But I can't seem to find a record of it. Anyhow, I would like to do a TV show where I interview "regular" (non-celeb) people. It may sound boring, but I think it could be really interesting. I might have to find a really good host or co-host or something though. Someone in addition to me who could ask or come up with scintillating questions. George Strombolopolous (sorry if I spelled that wrong) comes to mind. Oh, I looked that up too. It is wrong... Stroumboulopoulos according to twitter.

Band Names

So you know how people say we're all here for a reason/we all have some kind of gift or talent? I'm not ever very sure that I've found mine, but one curious thing that I find I have an affinity for is coming up with weird band names. I wish I'd kept track of some of these over the years (uh, hello, use your blog) but unfortunately easy come, easy go. However, I thought I'd share one recent co-creation that was inspired by a game of charades and SNL's Jeopardy parody. So in the charades, the word was "Psychology" and the guesses had kind of stalled at "Psycho G". As one of the partygoers has the nickname "G", it took awhile before someone put the pieces together and got "Psychology" rather than Psycho G. But then, this reminded some of us of the Sean Connery character Jeopardy parody on SNL, in which he picks the category "Therapists" as "The Rapists". Perhaps I should have thought a little longer before speaking, but I said to the group, "hey, how about that as a band name, Psycho G and The Rapists?!" I do recall there may have been a gasp or two and some other assorted reactions. I didn't mean to make light of rapists or raping, of course. I just pictured a poster with "Psycho G and Therapists" and the real in the know fans of the band would pronounce it as the rapists while others would wonder if there shouldn't be a "the" in front of therapists. 

And today, there was an incident (more to follow in another entry perhaps) that I called "The Waffle Explosion" and then thought, hey, another possible band name. Can you picture the poster? I'm seeing it as done by a talented and funky graphic artist, with text something along the lines of... "Psycho G & Therapists (The Rapists??) with special guests The Waffle Explosion. Tickets $15 at the door". 

I will conclude by noting a real band name that I think is very clever. Canada's The Tragically Hip. Good stuff. And while I'm giving shout-outs (oh, did I just say that, I did a half cringe/half throw up in your mouth - shout out??? really??? gag) I would be remiss to not mention Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros. Perhaps not totally appropriate band name for this particular post, but hey, I like their CD and I saw them in concert and it was good. (I guess music reviewer is definitely not my talent - can you imagine? "Saw Pink last night. She sang. It was cool." or "Lollapalooza this year, a lot of bands, some good, some not so good, a few awful.") Okay, I said I was concluding but then I decided to throw in one more thing... Not sure how "true" this is but I heard that The Talking Heads were going through some sort of battle over use of the name after the group was splitting up and so the one faction called their album "No Talking, Just Head". That cracks me up.

Not Hating the Officiating

I was amused during the Dallas Cowboys game today when the official had to stop part way into the penalty call because it was so complicated but at least he was having a little fun with it. Good for you buddy, keep it light. I'm not sure what the rules are for the officiating team, but I would have loved it if he turned on his mic for take 2 and said, "ok, let's try this again...". To push it even more, I'm sure they'll joke about, "ok, let's just say some guy on the offense got a holding call, some guy on the defense got unneccessary roughness, those offset, there was some other call, suffice it to say the ball will be on the X yard line, 1st down Dallas."

Oh, and boy do I love it when the offense gets into rhythm with the skip button on my pvr. Makes it seem like they're moving up the field SO efficiently! Of course sometimes QB's like Tom Brady and Peyton Manning are just too quick for me to use the skip, that's cool too.

On a related note, holy *&^#, it's been nearly A YEAR since I posted?! And the last post was about football too. Huh.

P.S. Speaking of sports, a VERY late congrats to the Chicago Blackhawks for winning the Stanley Cup.

You Know The Economy's Bad When...

So I see this furniture commercial that begins with voiceover and giant red titles,
"Big Chest Sale!"
Of course I can't help but picture large breasted women getting deals. And others, "sorry M'am, you don't qualify".
What can I say... my mind...

Football Forwarding Finesse

So I'm no football expert but I get the basics. On a Sunday I often put the games on to record and that way I can skip through commercials. If there are a lot of games on t.v. that I'm interested in, or if I'm just short on time or interest, I'll often watch the plays of the game without much of the commentary and so forth. The skip button on the dvr does about 30 seconds and if I can get into a good rhythm (me and the quarterback, you know how it is) I can get the timing going so well that I literally see everyone set up on the line of scrimmage, watch the play, hit skip, and see the next set up on the line of scrimmage. That's when my equivalent of the passer rating goes way up and I get a real feeling of satisfaction. When I lose the rhythm or something throws it off, I sometimes see a guy running into the end zone and have to use the back button to see the beginning of the play and as I know what happens, it kind of ruins it. It's kind of like getting sacked.

Tour de France - Prologue

If you have been reading this blog for awhile, you may recall an earlier series of posts around Le Tour. Last year I didn't watch, and this year I had planned to, then heard about Lance Armstrong returning, then got really busy and promptly practically forgot most of that until right as the Tour was starting. So I turn on my DVR today to watch the broadcast of the start of the race. Don't mock me (or go ahead, I don't care anymore) but even watching the beginning of the broadcast with the voice over laying out the scene got me super pumped. And finding out that Lance Armstrong is back again after a huge layoff (by finding out I mean seeing him actually there, ready to start, as just because he announced he would however many months ago wouldn't mean he would, any number of injuries or whatever could've changed that) adds some more intrigue. It was cool to also see a lot of familiar names (I only cycling event I watch is Le Tour and even then it's a recent thing although I did watch DVD's of many of the late 90's/earlier 2000's races). I didn't mean to watch the whole stage in one sitting, but I did, although I managed not to watch the next broadcast right afterwards. P.S. DVR's rock!

Avalanche vs. Canucks 11/9/07

Okay, so it's no IPB calibre game diary...more like a highlight version...and not even a good highlight version like NHL On The Fly...but here goes...

I've sat down with my Dad to watch this game. He likes to watch with no sound on. He's waiting for the day when you can pick which sounds you get with a game. Which, as an aside, would be way cool. "I'd like all the on ice noise and the crowd, oh, good play by play guy tonight - I'll keep him then - oh (said with disdain) *he's* doing colour...mute FORSURE!" (But I digress).

Canucks have the puck behind their own net. They're taking their sweet time setting up the play. I snidely remark that if they just stand there a little longer, they're sure to run out the clock (I think there was about 2 minutes left).

Canucks do a break-out, it looks good at first and then falls flat. I remark, "guess he's not a Weaver of magic". My Dad didn't get it at first, til he realized the Canucks D Weaver had started the play. I felt pretty proud. I was practically Ron MacLean right there.

The Canucks have the puck for a long time in the offensive zone but no real chances. I think to myself that the Canucks are like my spin class this morning: lots of cycling, but you never go anywhere.

Avalanche are called on a penalty. Their coach is shown doing the usual freak out (recall, no sound). My Dad says, "he seems like a sweet guy" (in a very sort of sincere sounding voice, hard to explain, but it was somehow funny). Then they do the penalty box shot with the graphic, and it's Kurt Sauer in the box. For a minute I thought my Dad somehow had known that and wasn't referring to the coach at all with his, "sweet" comment but making a joke re: "sour" (that's the antithesis of sweet for anyone who didn't get that ;) Of course he was talking about the coach. But it was still well-timed comedy, dammit.

Canucks again, what looks to be some pretty passing - I think "tic...tac!....noooo". On the replay, it appears that the "pretty passing" I originally saw was actually more like a series of lucky blunders. Kind of made it cool, actually.

I note the "Viagra" ads on the boards. A reminder to "get it up" I think. Unless the opposing goalie is weak 5 hole or on wraparounds, in which case...

Tsk Tsk TSN

This Devils vs. Penguins game is freakin' AWESOME. The 2nd period had so much controversy - kind of interesting - and the game itself has been so exciting and action packed.

So during some controversial calls in the 2nd, at one point the camera shows Lou Lamoriella (spelling?) sitting with Stephen Walcom (the head of officiating - can't remember his official title) and they're laughing together. Ok, firstly, Lou laughing?! But secondly, that *really* didn't look good. Way too cozy. Especially during that particular moment of the game. The commentators made a few comments about Walcom living in Pittsburgh so that's why he's at the game yada yada. Well, in the 2nd intermission, they show the same footage, this time with a "Recorded Earlier" stamp on it, while the commentators talk about how that footage was actually recorded prior to the game, and they regret it if they gave the wrong impression blah blah blah. IF?!?! You regret it *if* you gave the wrong impression?! Hello, that's like me giving a lap dance, pulling out an accordian length of condoms, backing up into a room while giving the "come here" signal with my finger and undoing whatever clothes I have left on, and then getting outraged when the guy puts a move on me and saying huffily, 'well, I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression...'

IF... pffttt.

Heh Heh Heh - Hockey

TSN's Healy on a controversial goal:

'I know that Fleury spends half the game on his knees and the other half on his back...'

Now Healy is one of my least favorite commentators, but honestly, that was too funny. No one else on the panel seemed to react but then I don't suppose they're allowed (on air at least) to yell out things such as, "Yeah! Like your Mama!"

Hockey Date in Canada

So I'm watching the NHL season opener from England and the commentator says something along the lines of, "he put his arm around the guy and almost took a penalty". So I think (sarcastically) to myself, "wow, putting your arm around someone (a gesture of affection) is a penalty huh" which leads me to picture being on a date and the guy goes to put his arm around me and I say stridently, "hey! nuh uh, penalty!.." which immediately led me to the continuation of that thought, "..2 minutes in the box!". Uh. Hmm, that might not work so well. Ahem. Right-o then.

Must See TV!

I had a few minutes to kill the other day. And seeing as a few minutes isn't really enough time for killing, I instead flipped through a Fall TV preview.

Now, if the world were fair, the guys at Leper Pop http://leperpop.blogspot.com/ would write a blog on this, because it would be way more funny than what I can come up with. But guess what, the world isn't fair, so for now at least, you get this.

In my defence, these previews are so bad, what could anyone possibly add to make them funnier? And by 'funnier', I of course mean 'more ridiculous'.
Even the magazine that they were featured in mentions a site http://generatorland.com/ that randomly comes up with TV show pitches and I can tell you that they sadly aren't that far off of the real tv show descriptions. In fact, I've just now decided that I will make this into an interactive game! Go ahead readers, pick which of the following shows are coming to TV screens in the Fall, and which are made up! Here goes...

Moonlight - 'a good-hearted vampire works as a private investigator, protecting humans from their evil breathren'.

Dame Nimoy - 'an alien hides from a taxidermist with a photographic memory'.

Pushing Daisies - 'a whimsical tale about a pie maker named Ned who can kill or revive people, animals, and even plants with a single touch'.

Pulling Teeth - 'a down on his luck dentist falls in love with a mannequin that came to life'.

Da Kink In My Hair - 'a group of women gather to gossip, talk about their hopes and dreams and, of course, get some good weaves'.

And if you still think TV is "da bomb", check out the song "Television, The Drug of a Nation" by the Disposable Heroes of Hiphocracy http://peoplesgeography.com/2007/08/06/television-the-drug-of-a-nation/ (video) http://artists.letssingit.com/disposable-heroes-of-hiphoprisy-television-the-drug-of-the-nation-d1dw3jc (lyrics).

Clean Sheet (Of Ice), Dirty Minds

A radio station in a city I lived in once used to have a contest in which they would play clips and callers had to decide if the clips were from home improvement shows or adult movies. Most of the time it was pretty silly but sometimes callers actually would get it wrong. You'd swear it was porn and it'd turn out to be home improvement.

For awhile they had a similar contest in which callers had to decide if the clip was from hockey broadcasts or adult movies. I'm not the only one who has chuckled over some of the things broadcasters say during a hockey game. "He just can't get it up!" "He's spending far too much time playing in his own end!" are just a couple of examples commonly cited.

Well today I'm watching a DVR of the Canada Russia "Super Series" and in one 30 second stretch...wow.

Here's a sampling:

8:10 - Bobrovskiy just closes his legs in time! (Been there ;)
8:17 - Giroux just slid it wide (Been there too ;)
8:23 - (Lucic) he got it up! (Finally!)

< Insert Clever Title Here >

So CNN is showing a story on a certain someone going to jail. (You know who I mean, I refuse to type her name in this blog, it would be forever tainted. Ick.)
There was no volume, but it generated a discussion about troubled celebs (e.g. LL & BS).
So I find myself involved in this useless discussion. Me. (Shakes head). It's truly a miracle that I didn't slit my wrists right then and there and that I'm here writing this blog now.

Fortunately, the discussion quickly turned to the infamous shots of a couple of these celebs' crotches. One of the discussants stated firmly and in a somewhat judgmental tone that there was simply no excuse for these people not wearing underwear. Rather quickly (if I do say so myself) I managed the following rejoinder:

"She wanted to support the troops so she thought she should go commando."

This resulted in peals of laughter and questions as to whether I had made that up myself right on the spot. Indeed I had. (Yeah, I'm pretty proud).

Yeah, it might not be that great but what do you want from me - there was already one miracle here today, don't push it.

Wok With GB

First off, sorry about the title.

So tonight had all the drama of Iron Chef, but in my very own kitchen.
Really, you ask? Who'd you take on, Iron Chef Japan?

Well, um, no, not...exactly. But what I did do was make a stirfry. And the secret ingredient was (drumroll please)... various vegetables. And the competition was... none other than myself.

Now I know you're probably thinking at this point, Iron Chef this is not. However, I did use a cast IRON frying pan for some of it and I CHEFfed. I rest my case. And I did all that without wearing a stupid hat. So there.

So it actually started out innocently enough as a regular old exercise in cooking dinner. Yawn. But obviously some kind of frenzy must have overtaken me, because I crammed so many vegetables (yes, various ones) into that stir fry...

Let's count, shall we? (That was a rhetorical question, get counting you lazy asses! NOW!!)

1. Carrots
2. Cauliflower
3. Parsnip
4. Leeks
5. Red Pepper
(Don't panic, just continue counting using your other hand. If you only have one hand, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to poke fun at you or anything, sorry about the tragic loss of your hand. If it wasn't tragic, make something up.)
6. Yellow Pepper
7. Broccoli
8. Snow Peas
9. Zucchini
10. Bean Sprouts

Damn, is that it? This is the first time I counted so I really had no idea how this was going to go. Yeah, that's right, I just blog on the fly like that, I'm crazy that way. WILD!

A ha! I just remembered! You'd better pull out your toes now. Not literally for the love of god! I just meant to count on! (I'll have to remember that as a line though, "your blog makes me want to pull out my own toes").

11. Asparagus

I also used tofu, but I don't think one can count that as a vegetable. And yes, I know, ewww, tofu, but relax, I know how to cook - the tofu was just fine. I also used a hoisin sauce. And it was all served over fresh chinese noodles. One of the people who I deigned to share with started making cracks about how I knew they were chinese noodles. I bet you think I then beat him repeatedly with said noodles, but no, I did not. As John Cusack's character in Grosse Pointe Blank said, "I don't want to get into a big semantic argument about it, I just want the protein." Except in this case perhaps it's the carbs. But I think you smart readers get the gist.

And yes, in case you're wondering, I am still sitting here going, 'hmm, was that really all the vegetables? Surely there was something else...'

Transferred From The Old Blog 3

October 31st
Watched an episode of Cold Case last night. The story was particularly nasty, with racism, a rape, a lynching, et cetera. The beating and hanging (and therefore death) that the story revolves around were 'racially motivated' (that sounds so bloody innocent, what a dumb phrase). At the end of the episode they show the crime happening, and the famous speech by Martin Luther King Jr. is playing on the car radio, then it starts playing this song that is really haunting and so appropriate - something about strange fruit hanging from the trees. As I listened more, I realized that the lyrics were about a hanging and I was really interested in finding out more about the song and surprised that I didn't know more about it. I looked it up (see link for example) and found the story interesting.
http://www.pbs.org/independentlens/strangefruit/film.html
Strange fruit hanging from the trees indeed - what a well written song.