Saw a sign today that said:
"If you come to a fork in the road, take it"
Now I'm not an advocate of stealing forks, but this sign did inspire some wise words of witty wisdom (or not) from me:
"If you come to a fork in the road, have something to eat"
-- GB
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Friday, January 18, 2008
Revisiting the Past....
I found some old stuff of mine. I may make a series of these posts if I can keep my motivation up. Here's the first (and maybe the last too....)
Life Skills 8 Report Card
Ah, Grade 8, my first year of high school. Back then apparently we took "Life Skills" which consists of Woodwork (shut it, Jesus was a carpenter right? this is an important life skill), Study Skills (what could be more important?), Computer Literacy (wow, my school didn't suck, it was cutting edge - wait, is this teaching computers how to read???), Sewing, and Foods.
Grades:
Woodwork 71% C+ (no doubt, I remember being afraid of losing a finger in the power equipment - i believe i made a lovely towel holder)
Study Skills 75% B (but apparently I got 99% on the final! shouldn't that get you an A+??! does that not concretely demonstrate study skills? how did I get only 75% overall? was the final worth 2% of our grades? i demand a recount!)
Computer 82% B (read this blog, jackass! i know what i'm doing!)
Sewing 81% B (how on earth is this possible? i did better in sewing than study skills?! i despise sewing, i remember nothing from this class. then again i don't remember even taking study skills. i don't remember study skills even existing as a course.)
Foods 87% A ("good work habits and a positive attitude have contributed to this grade". so what you're saying is that this grade is completely subjective and not based on actual tests or assignments. that's it, i'm appealing my grade 8 life skills grades.... [toodles off to do so])
Life Skills 8 Report Card
Ah, Grade 8, my first year of high school. Back then apparently we took "Life Skills" which consists of Woodwork (shut it, Jesus was a carpenter right? this is an important life skill), Study Skills (what could be more important?), Computer Literacy (wow, my school didn't suck, it was cutting edge - wait, is this teaching computers how to read???), Sewing, and Foods.
Grades:
Woodwork 71% C+ (no doubt, I remember being afraid of losing a finger in the power equipment - i believe i made a lovely towel holder)
Study Skills 75% B (but apparently I got 99% on the final! shouldn't that get you an A+??! does that not concretely demonstrate study skills? how did I get only 75% overall? was the final worth 2% of our grades? i demand a recount!)
Computer 82% B (read this blog, jackass! i know what i'm doing!)
Sewing 81% B (how on earth is this possible? i did better in sewing than study skills?! i despise sewing, i remember nothing from this class. then again i don't remember even taking study skills. i don't remember study skills even existing as a course.)
Foods 87% A ("good work habits and a positive attitude have contributed to this grade". so what you're saying is that this grade is completely subjective and not based on actual tests or assignments. that's it, i'm appealing my grade 8 life skills grades.... [toodles off to do so])
Email Capers
No, this is not a directive. Do not read the title of this post as "Readers of this blog, please email me some capers." Please. Do not. Although with the number of people who read this blog, I'd be lucky to get one caper. But I digress. Wildly. Inanely.
Here is a recent email exchange:
Sent to me....
"---Women,---
---are like apples---
---on trees. The best ones---
---are at the top of the tree.---
---The boys don't want to reach---
-for the good ones because they're--
-afraid of falling and getting hurt.-
-Instead, they get the rotten apples-
from the ground that arent as good,
but easy. So the apples up top think
something wrong with them when in
-reality they're amazing. They just--
---have to wait for the right man to
--- come along, the one who's-
--- brave enough to---
---climb all---
---the way---
---to the top---
---of the tree.---"
(Okay, so along with this email I get the following note....)
"I believe your the creme de la creme :)"
(Now, if you've made it through that apple/women shit, I congratulate you heartily. I don't know who wrote that thing, but I'm laying odds it was a sad female owner of 472 cats who got delusional. Anyway, here was my response to the "creme" comment...)
"creme de la creme...is that like a REALLY rotten apple?!?! so rotten it's CREAMY?!?! ohmigod! you just called me easy!!! i'm going to get you! i'm going to fall on your head from WAAAAY up here on the top of this FRICKIN' HUGE apple tree!!!! ENJOY BEING UNCONSCIOUS, FUCKWAD!"
Here is a recent email exchange:
Sent to me....
"---Women,---
---are like apples---
---on trees. The best ones---
---are at the top of the tree.---
---The boys don't want to reach---
-for the good ones because they're--
-afraid of falling and getting hurt.-
-Instead, they get the rotten apples-
from the ground that arent as good,
but easy. So the apples up top think
something wrong with them when in
-reality they're amazing. They just--
---have to wait for the right man to
--- come along, the one who's-
--- brave enough to---
---climb all---
---the way---
---to the top---
---of the tree.---"
(Okay, so along with this email I get the following note....)
"I believe your the creme de la creme :)"
(Now, if you've made it through that apple/women shit, I congratulate you heartily. I don't know who wrote that thing, but I'm laying odds it was a sad female owner of 472 cats who got delusional. Anyway, here was my response to the "creme" comment...)
"creme de la creme...is that like a REALLY rotten apple?!?! so rotten it's CREAMY?!?! ohmigod! you just called me easy!!! i'm going to get you! i'm going to fall on your head from WAAAAY up here on the top of this FRICKIN' HUGE apple tree!!!! ENJOY BEING UNCONSCIOUS, FUCKWAD!"
November 9th, January 18th
What is the significance of those two dates? They signify that I'm not a dead blogger. My last post was November 9th, and today is January 18th. I'm alive!!!!!!!!! And off to do a 'real post' now....
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