Thursday, May 31, 2007

A Bird in the House is Worth A Fish Tale or Two

I recently walked into a house and found one of the occupants engaged in trying to catch a bird that was attempting to escape through a large window.

Let me clarify, the window was not one of the opening variety, and thus the bird could not escape. (And no, I do not know of which variety the bird was, or is). The human, realizing this (that the bird could not escape, not that I didn't know its variety), wished to grab the bird and place xe (I stole this from Leper Pop, it rocks, and so will you if you visit the site -
http://leperpop.blogspot.com/ - xe being a great way of resolving the s/he issue) outside.

Let me clarify some more. I knew the occupant - I am not in the habit of walking into stranger's houses. Although now that I mention that I'm thinking it might be interesting. But that would be a wild digression at this point.

So the bird was freed after some frantic kerfuffleing (so sue me) and barely did xe reach the open patio door before xe had zipped off like a shot over the deck railing. This got me thinking about the bird returning home and the stories xe would have.

"You wouldn't believe the day I had!" xe would exclaim.
And I pictured the story getting a little more exaggerated as xe went on. Now, I'm no bird, so how the hell do I know what the story might resemble, but here goes...

Henry (I have no idea why I just named the bird that) swoops into the nest-home area (man, I need to learn more about birds methinks) and lands in a kerfuffle. Panting, gasping, Henry is eager to tell xe's tale. His family, despite his rather violent arrival, seem non-plussed. He awaits their attention, clearing his bird throat in consternation when this does not come to pass. After several tut tuts, Henry's mate, seemingly not in response to the tut-tutting, but as though she's just realized that Henry is there, begins to make small talk. One of Henry's offspring gives a bored roll of the eyes in Henry's direction while another cocks xe's head in an effort to look attentive.

"Yes, yes," Henry interrupts, "but you won't believe what happened to me! There I was flying along, minding my own business, when all of a sudden - I don't know if there was pond scum in the water I had this morning or what - but I found myself in some sort of strange world where I could see normally but when I'd try to fly forward I kept crashing into this invisible barrier!" (Henry's family look incredulous and suspicious - but Henry doesn't notice this, as xe is so wrapped up in xe's story).

"Then, as though that wasn't bad enough, some giant creature began attacking me..." (Here Henry looks to his family for expressions of sympathy on their little faces, and feels immensely affronted when xe doesn't find this to be the case, causing him to try to increase the oomph-factor of the story). "When I say creature, what I really mean to say is that it was a whole pack of cats, all working together, pawing at me, 100's of them! 100's!!!" (For a second Henry's family had begun to sympathize but it quickly passes and Henry can tell that they don't believe). His tale increases in size in a strident attempt to get the requisite reaction that Henry so deserves after the trials of xe's day.

Fast forward to days later...by this time Henry is driving his whole community nuts with his wild tales. As other birds fly about their business, muttered chirps can be heard:

"...ridiculous, 100 cats..."
"that Henry, such a..."
"preposterous nonsense..."

Sunday, May 27, 2007

Theatre Talk

I recently attended a live theatre production. That sounds a little highbrow doesn't it? I'll give it to you straight - I went to a play.

The play was about several women's experiences around, basically, having babies. Or perhaps more accurately, reproductive issues or something like that. ("Accurate" and "something like that" in one sentence - I astound even myself with this sloppy communication.) Now this topic (reproduction, babies) is not exactly up my alley. (Why does that sound dirty to me?) But a friend of mine was in the play which is how I ended up going to see it. (Don't stop reading yet, I'm gonna drop some sports talk soon. [That was like when you're watching t.v. and they say 'and coming up after the break..' - a teaser.] )

So this play thing (unlike other play things, ha ha hahahaha ;) ) worked out better than expected. First of all, shortly into the play, my friends' character is in labour and in the chair beside her you see a man's jacket. Okay, that's not such a great thing I realize, but I'm getting there. So the nurse comes in and the woman gives this big speech about how her husband will be right back and he wants to share in this experience so much yada yada. Then some other stuff happens and the nurse comes back to check in again. This is where the comedy kicks in. Instead of the confident "my husband is so into this!", we now see the woman looked rather angsty (if that's not a word, too bad, I'm using it anyway) and she asks the nurse if there are any t.v.'s between her room and the cafeteria, where her husband had gone only for a moment, he didn't want to miss a minute you know, because he's so into this. The nurse says there are, and the woman says, 'oh no, the Leafs are playing tonight aren't they' with such a worried look on her face - the audience cracks up. (I did later think, why's it always have to be the Leafs! But then I took a deep breath and reminded myself that I should be thankful just to have had a mention of hockey in a play such as this one and to not get greedy.)

So anyway, there was also a teen girl having a baby and she brought the comedy as well. The audience was loving her. Her screamed exclamations of "oh shit that hurts!!!" brought quite the chuckles especially as they contrasted so well with the other more serious women. All the women also did little vignettes in which they spoke aloud their inner thoughts - I think there's a name for that in theatre - solliquay? I especially liked the first half, the second half got more into the issues side of things (the play was meant to be eductional) as we heard the women express the pain of not being able to have children, of making choices between abortion or adoption, and some of the issues around surrogacy, egg donation, etc. All the actors were fabulous. I was impressed.

So after the curtain, the actors and director and some other person whose job description I can't be bothered to give a name to all sat down on the edge of the stage to interact with the audience. That was some good times. Two highlights in particular.

One, an older woman started going on and on about teenage pregnancy - she was blathering more than anything but it came across that teens should really give up their babies because of course they'd grow up in poverty, single-parented, etc. I think I could feel discomfort in the air. Soon after a woman in the front row blasted this woman, saying that she had been a teenage mom, she was 27 now and had 4 kids and she's a damn good mother and that sort of thing. There were no fisticuffs.

Second, a man in the audience (yes, there were some - all related to the actors in the play perhaps - that sounds like a generalization, but all the ones I saw were) made a series of positive comments about the play, adding that it was the first time he realized he wasn't a woman. That got some chuckles for a moment before he went on to explain that he knew he was a man, he wasn't suffering from a gender identity crisis of some kind, it was just that it suddenly hit him that women have to deal with these issues just due to being born female. Now normally I would roll my eyes and think something along the lines of, 'wow, this guy's really milking this sensitive guy thing, wonder how often that strategy gets him laid', but this time I actually found the comment interesting.

I guess I'll have to find a play about men's reproductive issues now to balance things out.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Name Explanations (like lame explanations, only less lame)

Movie ends. Credits begin rolling. I happen to notice one of the names of the crew.

Wait for it...


....

September Death.

Hmm, did September's parents give him/her that name? If not, why did s/he change it to that. Did s/he lose a bet? I could google it, perhaps some information exists, but isn't it more fun this way, speculating on how such a name came to be?

I imagine the ninth month (does quick mental check, September is the 9th month right?, man, I'll look like an idiot if it isn't..) of each year must be pretty interesting for Ms./Mr. September Death. Or perhaps the first 8 months are filled with dread and the last 3 a wild party to celebrate having gotten through another September without having ceased to have a pulse.

You know what would be interesting... (yeah, someone else's blog - hey!!! cut that out) ...to have a contest to come up with the best explanation for why September Death was so named. If anyone actually read this blog, I'd hold such a contest. I mean come on, it wouldn't be very fair if I held it right now, I'd have way too good odds of winning.

Belated Birthday Bonanza

I got a birthday card today. This is to be noted as my birthday is in March.
Here is an excerpt from the hand-written message inside the card:
"This is a severely retarded birthday wish! All the best to you always."

You're right! That is a severely retarded wish! All the best to you always?! How dumb is that!

Now I realize that by "severely retarded" they meant, "really late", but when you read that as a line...I mean, come on.
Actually, "all the best to you always" is a pretty good sentiment don't you think? I mean, why ever wish anyone anything again? You've already wished them all the best always, what's left??? That's right, nothing! You've covered all the wishes, gifts, etc. for the rest of time in one fell swoop.

Geometric Figures a.k.a. could you make the title any more boring?

Watched the movie Cube². Isn't that clever? ... cube, squared. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0285492/ I wonder what they'll call the third one!

After watching Cube² I then watched the first 5 mins of Cube and it seemed pretty similar. The premise is someone wakes up in a strange cube room and soon discovers there are others there and no one knows what's going on or how they got there. They begin to investigate and of course encounter some crazy shit.

I liked the simplicity of the movie. Limited number of characters all stuck together in one place. They probably could have done a lot more in terms of character development though. Pretty shallow I thought. I think I enjoyed the premise more than the actual movie. At the beginning when the first character wakes up and then encounters another character you're thinking 'hey, this has some potential'. Like a racehorse, it broke well and led the field, but fell off in the stretch run.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Designer Shoe Drivel

I have a pair of Tommy Hilfiger sandals. I couldn't care less about the name, I just wanted brown sandals and these worked and weren't too expensive. Today, said shoes were upside down (I wasn't wearing them at the time) and I happened to notice that the tread consists of all these little raised TH's cleverly combined into a little logo. Alright, alright, I suppose I should have an image of this. Man, the things I do for you people.





So I have no point. You may have guessed that from the word "drivel" in the title. I just thought it was interesting that someone(s) paid that much attention to detail and had the bottom of the shoe designed that way.

Monday, May 21, 2007

Internet Irritation

I was going to begin this post stating that small things annoy me, but then I was worried that I would send a plethora of men scurrying to their nearest Corvette dealer to try and make up for their lacking manhood, and that just wouldn't do. There's the environment to consider, after all. So forget about the small things intro, I'm going to start again.

Today I was trying to find video of a hit from a recent NHL playoff game. Search as I might, I could not locate a clip. I tried YouTube, nope. I tried Googling, nope. I tried various NHL/sports sites, nope. NOPE NOPE NOPE!!! And more NOPE! And I became increasingly irritated. (As if you hadn't already figured that out what with the blog title and the angry caps and exclamation marks.) Probably far more irritated than one should get over something so seemingly inconsequential. But it was a cool hit and I wanted to see it. And I'm used to instant gratification from the Internet. So when I can't immediately find something, I am affronted. Nay, I am agonized. Or perhaps I'm apoplectic. (You see, I just went and looked up the spelling of that word on the Internet to ensure I had spelled it correctly. That's what the internet does, it provides me with answers and all I have to do is move my fingers. What else can you get simply from moving your fingers?! Uh...um...okay, pretend I didn't say that. Moving on.)

So luckily there is a happy ending. I found the clip sandwiched in another clip on YouTube. Thank you YouTube, sorry I dissed you earlier. You must understand that you usually provide me with whatever I need and when it seemed that this time you had failed me I kind of flew off the handle. This internet stuff is obviously like a drug. And you know what happens when the dealer doesn't provide.

And in case anyone is wondering what the hit was, too bad. Use the internet to research it & let me know how that works out.

Saturday, May 19, 2007

Car Wash

So I paid my $8 to go through a car wash the other day. I must not get out enough, or at least I must not wash the car enough, because I'd never been through a car wash like this. I'm used to the ones where you put the car in neutral and get pulled through. Or the kind you have to get out and wash the car yourself, but I didn't have my bikini on that day and there were no trampy bikini-clad girls holding sponges in sight so...

Anyway, this one sucked. You have to manually drive in, then a sign lights up to tell you what to do. Hey, here's a thought, it's pretty freakin' hard to see the sign when you're in the middle of a car wash! Suds, hello?! So you basically sit there while the robot arm spins around all robot-like and washes the car. Doing chicken like moves with your head and neck to try and see if the sign is yelling at you. I find the other type far more relaxing. And, after getting this done, there was still bird crap on the sideview mirror. Which was half the reason I decided to get the car washed in the first place. What a rip off. They could at least have an animated bikini-clad girl on that sign or something.

Friday, May 18, 2007

Transferred From The Old Blog 5

November 30th - Playlist
Found a website that is having this thing where some panelists pick 10 songs and then people vote for their favorite(s) and each week the bottom four songs are eliminated and the panelists add 4 new songs (and so on).

The songs are from different genres and eras. The goal I think is to eventually come up with the top 10 songs you'd have on your music player if you could only have 10. It's pretty cool - many of the songs/artists are ones that I'm not familiar with while some are classics (e.g. Bob Dylan). http://www.cbc.ca/nationalplaylist/

May 2007 - the above link is no longer operational.

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November 2nd - Desktop
You know having a customizable desktop is pretty cool. I like being able to change it every so often. Put up a hallowe'en theme...then a favorite t.v. show...then a picture of a trip and so on. It's like redecorating for lazy people - which I like :) Hell of a lot easier than painting ;)

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October 31st
Watched an episode of Cold Case last night. The story was particularly nasty, with racism, a rape, a lynching, et cetera. The beating and hanging (and therefore death) that the story revolves around were 'racially motivated' (that sounds so bloody innocent, what a dumb phrase). At the end of the episode they show the crime happening, and the famous speech by Martin Luther King Jr. is playing on the car radio, then it starts playing this song that is really haunting and so appropriate - something about strange fruit hanging from the trees. As I listened more, I realized that the lyrics were about a hanging and I was really interested in finding out more about the song and surprised that I didn't know more about it. I looked it up (see link for example) and found the story interesting.
http://www.pbs.org/independentlens/strangefruit/film.html
Strange fruit hanging from the trees indeed - what a well written song.

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October 27th - Games of Chance
A few months back I started partaking in dice game sessions. We play once every 2 weeks or so and it's a lot of fun. I'm not much of a gambler (at all) but it's still very exciting when you get a crazy good roll and pretty...well exciting might be the wrong word...but pretty 'throw arms in air, groan, and turn away' when a streak goes cold. As there are a few different games we play, it keeps up the variety factor, too. Not to mention that when you lose, you get to call the next game, so you can always see if your luck will change with the new game. I get pretty into it, you know, some things you find your mind wandering or you're not entirely present but with the games there is a certain focus yet still a fun atmosphere. I can't really explain it - it feels like I'm doing something pretty exciting even though really we're just throwing little cubes around and keeping score. Now I'm starting to think I should rename this 'lame blog' - but on the other hand maybe it's nice to know that there are some things that are fun that you can't overanalyze and explain exactly why they are that way. I feel that way about love or attraction. I don't want to be able to come up with (or hear about someone else coming up with) an equation that shows me why I find A appealing from across the room but B doesn't turn my head. Anyway...

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October 24th
Just watched Garden State. I had seen a short trailer before but really knew nothing about the movie (no expectations). I thought it just got better and better...often I find I'm really enjoying a book or a movie but then they go and do something that kind of messes things up. I was just so impressed by this movie - it was almost like it cast a spell, ask me now what was so great about it and it's hard for me to find the words. The acting was really good, the story interesting and then some, the soundtrack really great as well - but that doesn't do it justice (which is why I'm writing a blog that no one reads and someone else is writing screenplays and scripts ;) I feel different after watching that movie. I guess one could call that life changing...at least in a small way...and that's a pretty huge accomplishment for a movie (an artistic endeavour can be life changing, but how many movies are really 'art' in that sense?) And when I say life changing in a small way, how many things are life changing in a big way - maybe having a huge health scare or near death experience or something but I suspect that for the most part it's just little things that affect our lives...a kind of chaos theory type of deal where a butterfly flaps its wings and there's a storm somewhere in the world...Garden State has flapped it's wings...okay, that seemed overly melodramatic but...