Movie Moment

I recently went out of town to attend a wedding. I was leaving my friends' hotel to walk back to mine, standing at the crosswalk with other people waiting for the light to cross. All of a sudden I feel this...chivalrous...hand grab my arm. WTH? My head spins quickly to the side. I discover that a limo was backing up in the hotel drop off area to negotiate a turn, and as I was on the end of the line of people waiting, it was about to hit me. This dashing young man had leapt forward and taken my arm to ensure I was not hit. When I had sufficiently recovered my senses, I realized that this guy was also quite attractive. We exchanged a few comments. And I thought this would make a great "how did you meet?" story. Of course at the wedding we'd have to leave out the "and then we went back to my room and made out like rabbits" part ;) On second thought, I have a feeling rabbits are pretty quick, so I hope that saying refers to the frequency of the act, not the time spent. Sheesh, I've turned my movie moment into a damn porno. Maybe that's a new genre. It starts out as a romantic comedy and ends in porno. Gives new meaning to "Titanic". Heh heh. "We're going down!" But I digress, and wildly. Must focus. What? ...

Tsk Tsk TSN

This Devils vs. Penguins game is freakin' AWESOME. The 2nd period had so much controversy - kind of interesting - and the game itself has been so exciting and action packed.

So during some controversial calls in the 2nd, at one point the camera shows Lou Lamoriella (spelling?) sitting with Stephen Walcom (the head of officiating - can't remember his official title) and they're laughing together. Ok, firstly, Lou laughing?! But secondly, that *really* didn't look good. Way too cozy. Especially during that particular moment of the game. The commentators made a few comments about Walcom living in Pittsburgh so that's why he's at the game yada yada. Well, in the 2nd intermission, they show the same footage, this time with a "Recorded Earlier" stamp on it, while the commentators talk about how that footage was actually recorded prior to the game, and they regret it if they gave the wrong impression blah blah blah. IF?!?! You regret it *if* you gave the wrong impression?! Hello, that's like me giving a lap dance, pulling out an accordian length of condoms, backing up into a room while giving the "come here" signal with my finger and undoing whatever clothes I have left on, and then getting outraged when the guy puts a move on me and saying huffily, 'well, I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression...'

IF... pffttt.

Heh Heh Heh - Hockey

TSN's Healy on a controversial goal:

'I know that Fleury spends half the game on his knees and the other half on his back...'

Now Healy is one of my least favorite commentators, but honestly, that was too funny. No one else on the panel seemed to react but then I don't suppose they're allowed (on air at least) to yell out things such as, "Yeah! Like your Mama!"

Great Blogspectations Presents... Great Boobspectations

Following close on the heels of "What a Boob", we now have "Great Boobspectations".

What did you expect, these things come in pairs you know. (Bah-dum-ching!)


'Great Boobspectations' is inspired by one Andrew of IPB who read "What a Boob" and then came across a post at KuklasKorner about a Craigslist ad that...well... you'll see. So I'm reposting the ad below...


"I have a bunch of Canucks tix, and normally I use them for business development and entertain client, or take some of my cheap friends who wont buy their own, and once in a while, my wife decides she is a hockey fan and enjoys a game.
I know there are always lots of people looking for tickets, so I figured I would post on CL, and see if there was anyone else that would like a FREE ticket to go to the game with ME…..meet a complete stranger, and spend a harmless evening watching the Nucks. I am sure the conversation will be somewhat more interesting, entertaining, or at the very least, better to look at than one of my clients or beer drinking friends.
So here is the criteria and what I propose…….I am looking for an attractive, fit, married or single, classy, BUSTY female to join me as my guest for an upcoming Canucks game. No game in particular…whatever fits both of our schedules. Ideally you would wear something classy, but with a little edge to the outfit…i love cleavage, I love big boobs, and i love a little attitude and confidence to go along with it.
This is NOT about sex, or trying to solicit a sexual encounter and I am NOT expecting anything in return before or after the game. Just some fun conversation, a cool experience, and maybe a glimpse (ok maybe two)at some nice BIG boobs….I am a total boob guy, but unfortunately, most of my clients are males, and my wife was not blessed with anything bigger than a b cup.
So…….if you fit the description, email me back, and lets see if we can set up a “Canuck date”….
me: 30, married, professionally employed, attractive, clean cut, classy and respectful."


I love the "classy and respectful" part at the end. At any rate, Mr. What A Boob has turned out to be a wonderful inspiration - I even joked that I might have to change the blog name to Great Boobspectations after all this. But then I saw reason and just did one post. However, a bunch of 'boob' talk got generated over at IPB that caused the Oh-So-Fun and lovely Katebits to share a story about an online dating profile. Katebits described it as follows:


"the guy was going on and on and on with shit like,'You should have the exotic beauty of Catherine Zeta Jones, the bubbly personality of Drew Barrymore, the quirky appeal of Audry Hepburn….ect ect.' Honestly, he went on like this FOREVER and he must have listed at least fifty movie stars and their best quality. By the time I was half way through I was literally disgusted, but I kept reading because I couldn’t believe that anyone would have such gall. (By the way, there wasn’t a single piece of information about the GUY, only the incredible list of expectations.) SO I get to the end of the profile and I am really truly aghast, and he finishes his profile with this line:

'Oh, who am I kidding? Must have big tits and a pulse.'"


That is SO hilarious.

Thank you Andrew & Katebits for your contributions to today's installment of "Great Boobspectations". Stay tuned for scenes from our next episode.

What A Boob

So I meet this guy who decides in very short order that we may possibly be soul mates or something. I've talked to a few people about some of the stuff that transpired and it has earned this dude various nicknames and mockery but I figured it was time to be really meanspirited and make fun of him on the internet. But I'm not so mean that I'm going to give his name and all that. (Gee, give me a medal).

So this guy seems smitten. Keep in mind we have had very little contact. I mean VERY little. I haven't even really formed much of an opinion of him at all. So he says to me, so I need to ask you something really important, in fact, it's a dealbreaker. (Seems a little early for this type of conversation but ok...) So I'm expecting something about how I feel about him having kids or something big like that (he does have stepkids). Instead, he says, "do you like to cuddle?" Barely waiting for an answer, he goes on to tell me how he LOVES to give footrubs and do all kinds of other "romantic" things. (ASIDE: Have I been sucked out of my regular life and right into some Harlequin romance novel? Hey, open the book wider, there's not enough room in these pages! Ack, Fabio is learing at me from the cover - read faster, I need to keep my distance!) He then waits for me to slobber like a dog and ask for his hand in marriage or something. He does not seem to be able to understand or even marginally comprehend my less than enthusiastic response. (ASIDE: Why are we talking about cuddling after 5 minutes? Is that supposed to be better than talking about sex? Am I supposed to think you must be a great sensitive guy? Because it ain't working, in fact I'm thinking you may well be a dweeb. You either are REALLY into cuddling, which is a bit odd, I mean cuddling is okay and all but there are limits OR you are just saying all this shit because you read in some handbook on women that it will get you laid. I'm not sure which option is more disturbing. Just when I think I've nailed it down to one, the other races ahead and grabs the lead.) So then he immediately follows this up with, "are you attracted to me?" Um, I've "known" you for a grand total of minutes, easy there. As I fumble through that he then says, "well do you like talking to me?" I'm unable to refrain from a sarcastic response along the lines of, "No, I'm despising every second but I don't terminate the conversation." (Upon further reflection, perhaps that wasn't so much sarcasm as prescience). And so it goes. So I end up linking something he says to Seinfeld. He then raves about how much he loves the show. So I describe this part of an episode where George is driving up to the Hamptons for the weekend with a new girlfriend. They're doing the voice over of what George is thinking. It goes something like, "if I reached out and touched her boob right now, she'd slap me, but after this weekend, I'll be able to touch it whenever I want." So I finish my description and he seems very odd. He blurts out, "I can't believe you just said that." So I, rather perplexed, say, "what, you mean boob?" I get an affirmative response and then this guy goes from, 'you are my soul mate, I want us to get to know each other in a deep and meaningful way' to 'uh, I have to run, bye'. He practically runs away. I'm left rather amused. Seriously, you couldn't handle me saying "boob"? What kind of guy are you? Hell, a friend of mine's husband practically drools if he hears that word. And I don't think he's the only one. So I'm thinking that I should use "boob" as a screening tool. Every person I meet from now on, young or old, male or female, I will use that word and if they run screaming I will be relieved to be rid of them without further adieu.

...Brought To You By The Letter P and the Number 3

So I'm over at a friends' place the other day, having breakfast in the dining room when all of a sudden there is a mighty crash/explosion sound from the kitchen. Upon investigation, it turns out that a pan exploded in the oven. As this is discussed by those present, I happen to notice that everything involved starts with "P". It was a Pyrex pan of pumpkins for pie. The pumpkins had to be declared unusuable as the 'glass' (Pyrex) had shattered so incredibly that there were bits everywhere. My friend made the best of it, saying it was only $3 worth of pumpkins. And there was a 3 year old present. And a 33 year old. So I made the joke that today's episode is brought to us by ... (see title of the post), a Sesame Street Shout-out.

Did you have to be there? Or did this translate to the blogosphere?

Celtic Concert Contemplation

So I went to a concert the other night that featured a celtic band. They were quite diverse and the whole experience was very enjoyable. Small venue. The woman in the band who spoke the most was very funny, with a Scottish accent. She liked to tell a bit of a story about the songs they would play and they were very improvisational. 'What should we play now?' they'd say to one another and then pick something. At one point she said they were going to do a song by this guy called Time Will End (the song, not the guy - and I think that's what she said, don't quote me). She said that she thought this was a neat title and she emailed this guy to ask what the story was behind his song, thinking it might be very cool. He said he was "contemplating his navel" when he wrote it but that if she came up with a good story, be sure to let him know. So she put it out to the audience to do just that. She said if anyone wanted to share and had a good one, she'd use it at future concerts and even give them credit.

So they start playing and I sort of zone out a bit and just let the music wash over me. Wow, that sounded so incredibly cheesy that I feel nauseous. It wasn't that weird. So anyway, I'm seeing if anything comes to me from listening to the music but all I can think of is the navel contemplation and I find myself kind of wishing that she hadn't put that in because it's interfering with me thinking of anything. Then suddenly stuff comes to me. So I thought I'd share...

I visualized a guy sitting in a room and literally staring at his belly button. (I didn't think until right now the symbolism involved in this, being that the umbilical cord unites mother and baby blah blah). Anyway... I see him doing this and then the screen goes wavy and we whoosh into his belly button in a sort of tornado like motion. There we see, sort of in miniature, a whole little 'village' in which the grass roofed huts are being lit on fire by marauders and people are running and screaming (there's no noise but you know they are). Then it morphs in the tornado way again and we see another scene. Each scene is a different time period but all sad in theme (or evil or what have you). The feeling that came up was depressing. Like since the beginning of time there has been ugliness (killing, hatred, etc) among humans and it will never change kind of thing.

At this point the music of the song kind of changes and I feel there's a different tone to it (not musical tone, just ... you know). So then I see the same kind of thing as before except now the scenes are more happy or at least ... emotional is the only word I can think of... like weddings or children being born or something. I think at the end of the song perhaps it zooms back out and we see the guy sitting in the room again, kind of expressionless.

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"That's my story...and I'm sticking to it."
(Borrowed from a live version of "Highway Girl" by The Tragically Hip - very very very cool song).

Quick Quips

I went to a party that I didn't know many people at. A friend of mine whispered to me that this one woman was the one she'd told me about before - this woman and her husband...well, they have sex with other couples and that kind of thing. So she points her out and I don't think much more about it. And I haven't seen the husband yet, he's outside. I still haven't seen him (I'm in the kitchen with the women, you know how it is) and I made a joke so people were all laughing at that when the swinger woman exclaimed, "ohmigod! you'd love my husband!" At which point I thought about the swinging thing and was pretty entertained by her comment. She may have wondered why I raised my eyebrow, winked at her slyly & knowingly and then gently caressed her ass.
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I'm talking to this woman that I know. Hard to describe her personality, a bit naive in a sense. So I say I'm going to this hockey game in another city and she says, "Oh maybe I'll see you there!" I know very well she means in the city, but I say back, "You're gonna be at the game, huh." So then she does the 'you know what I mean' thing and replies, "Well, you know, you might see me walking the streets." Heh heh. Yeah? Really? Standing on your corner huh. Chortle.