I had a few minutes to kill the other day. And seeing as a few minutes isn't really enough time for killing, I instead flipped through a Fall TV preview.
Now, if the world were fair, the guys at Leper Pop http://leperpop.blogspot.com/ would write a blog on this, because it would be way more funny than what I can come up with. But guess what, the world isn't fair, so for now at least, you get this.
In my defence, these previews are so bad, what could anyone possibly add to make them funnier? And by 'funnier', I of course mean 'more ridiculous'.
Even the magazine that they were featured in mentions a site http://generatorland.com/ that randomly comes up with TV show pitches and I can tell you that they sadly aren't that far off of the real tv show descriptions. In fact, I've just now decided that I will make this into an interactive game! Go ahead readers, pick which of the following shows are coming to TV screens in the Fall, and which are made up! Here goes...
Moonlight - 'a good-hearted vampire works as a private investigator, protecting humans from their evil breathren'.
Dame Nimoy - 'an alien hides from a taxidermist with a photographic memory'.
Pushing Daisies - 'a whimsical tale about a pie maker named Ned who can kill or revive people, animals, and even plants with a single touch'.
Pulling Teeth - 'a down on his luck dentist falls in love with a mannequin that came to life'.
Da Kink In My Hair - 'a group of women gather to gossip, talk about their hopes and dreams and, of course, get some good weaves'.
And if you still think TV is "da bomb", check out the song "Television, The Drug of a Nation" by the Disposable Heroes of Hiphocracy http://peoplesgeography.com/2007/08/06/television-the-drug-of-a-nation/ (video) http://artists.letssingit.com/disposable-heroes-of-hiphoprisy-television-the-drug-of-the-nation-d1dw3jc (lyrics).
Showing posts with label Leper Pop. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Leper Pop. Show all posts
Friday, August 31, 2007
Thursday, May 31, 2007
A Bird in the House is Worth A Fish Tale or Two
I recently walked into a house and found one of the occupants engaged in trying to catch a bird that was attempting to escape through a large window.
Let me clarify, the window was not one of the opening variety, and thus the bird could not escape. (And no, I do not know of which variety the bird was, or is). The human, realizing this (that the bird could not escape, not that I didn't know its variety), wished to grab the bird and place xe (I stole this from Leper Pop, it rocks, and so will you if you visit the site - http://leperpop.blogspot.com/ - xe being a great way of resolving the s/he issue) outside.
Let me clarify some more. I knew the occupant - I am not in the habit of walking into stranger's houses. Although now that I mention that I'm thinking it might be interesting. But that would be a wild digression at this point.
So the bird was freed after some frantic kerfuffleing (so sue me) and barely did xe reach the open patio door before xe had zipped off like a shot over the deck railing. This got me thinking about the bird returning home and the stories xe would have.
"You wouldn't believe the day I had!" xe would exclaim.
And I pictured the story getting a little more exaggerated as xe went on. Now, I'm no bird, so how the hell do I know what the story might resemble, but here goes...
Henry (I have no idea why I just named the bird that) swoops into the nest-home area (man, I need to learn more about birds methinks) and lands in a kerfuffle. Panting, gasping, Henry is eager to tell xe's tale. His family, despite his rather violent arrival, seem non-plussed. He awaits their attention, clearing his bird throat in consternation when this does not come to pass. After several tut tuts, Henry's mate, seemingly not in response to the tut-tutting, but as though she's just realized that Henry is there, begins to make small talk. One of Henry's offspring gives a bored roll of the eyes in Henry's direction while another cocks xe's head in an effort to look attentive.
"Yes, yes," Henry interrupts, "but you won't believe what happened to me! There I was flying along, minding my own business, when all of a sudden - I don't know if there was pond scum in the water I had this morning or what - but I found myself in some sort of strange world where I could see normally but when I'd try to fly forward I kept crashing into this invisible barrier!" (Henry's family look incredulous and suspicious - but Henry doesn't notice this, as xe is so wrapped up in xe's story).
"Then, as though that wasn't bad enough, some giant creature began attacking me..." (Here Henry looks to his family for expressions of sympathy on their little faces, and feels immensely affronted when xe doesn't find this to be the case, causing him to try to increase the oomph-factor of the story). "When I say creature, what I really mean to say is that it was a whole pack of cats, all working together, pawing at me, 100's of them! 100's!!!" (For a second Henry's family had begun to sympathize but it quickly passes and Henry can tell that they don't believe). His tale increases in size in a strident attempt to get the requisite reaction that Henry so deserves after the trials of xe's day.
Fast forward to days later...by this time Henry is driving his whole community nuts with his wild tales. As other birds fly about their business, muttered chirps can be heard:
"...ridiculous, 100 cats..."
"that Henry, such a..."
"preposterous nonsense..."
Let me clarify, the window was not one of the opening variety, and thus the bird could not escape. (And no, I do not know of which variety the bird was, or is). The human, realizing this (that the bird could not escape, not that I didn't know its variety), wished to grab the bird and place xe (I stole this from Leper Pop, it rocks, and so will you if you visit the site - http://leperpop.blogspot.com/ - xe being a great way of resolving the s/he issue) outside.
Let me clarify some more. I knew the occupant - I am not in the habit of walking into stranger's houses. Although now that I mention that I'm thinking it might be interesting. But that would be a wild digression at this point.
So the bird was freed after some frantic kerfuffleing (so sue me) and barely did xe reach the open patio door before xe had zipped off like a shot over the deck railing. This got me thinking about the bird returning home and the stories xe would have.
"You wouldn't believe the day I had!" xe would exclaim.
And I pictured the story getting a little more exaggerated as xe went on. Now, I'm no bird, so how the hell do I know what the story might resemble, but here goes...
Henry (I have no idea why I just named the bird that) swoops into the nest-home area (man, I need to learn more about birds methinks) and lands in a kerfuffle. Panting, gasping, Henry is eager to tell xe's tale. His family, despite his rather violent arrival, seem non-plussed. He awaits their attention, clearing his bird throat in consternation when this does not come to pass. After several tut tuts, Henry's mate, seemingly not in response to the tut-tutting, but as though she's just realized that Henry is there, begins to make small talk. One of Henry's offspring gives a bored roll of the eyes in Henry's direction while another cocks xe's head in an effort to look attentive.
"Yes, yes," Henry interrupts, "but you won't believe what happened to me! There I was flying along, minding my own business, when all of a sudden - I don't know if there was pond scum in the water I had this morning or what - but I found myself in some sort of strange world where I could see normally but when I'd try to fly forward I kept crashing into this invisible barrier!" (Henry's family look incredulous and suspicious - but Henry doesn't notice this, as xe is so wrapped up in xe's story).
"Then, as though that wasn't bad enough, some giant creature began attacking me..." (Here Henry looks to his family for expressions of sympathy on their little faces, and feels immensely affronted when xe doesn't find this to be the case, causing him to try to increase the oomph-factor of the story). "When I say creature, what I really mean to say is that it was a whole pack of cats, all working together, pawing at me, 100's of them! 100's!!!" (For a second Henry's family had begun to sympathize but it quickly passes and Henry can tell that they don't believe). His tale increases in size in a strident attempt to get the requisite reaction that Henry so deserves after the trials of xe's day.
Fast forward to days later...by this time Henry is driving his whole community nuts with his wild tales. As other birds fly about their business, muttered chirps can be heard:
"...ridiculous, 100 cats..."
"that Henry, such a..."
"preposterous nonsense..."
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