I Can't Believe It's Not B...logged

I cannot believe that I haven't blogged about this before. But if I have, I don't see it here. Allow me to rant a bit about Starbucks. Specifically their sizes. Tall, Grande, Venti. I think I got that right. Can someone please tell me what the &*%! is with that?!? Venti, no idea what that means. But I'm unsure why it's bigger than a Grande. But my biggest beef is why Tall is actually the small. From now on if anyone calls me short I'm going to have a fit and insist that I'm tall.
Getting back to Starbucks though, sometimes I'll just say 'small' or 'medium' or 'large' - my favourite complaint is when the clerk (barista, puh-lease) repeats it back to me with the Starbucks size substituted in. Actually, my absolute favorite (should I say my Venti favourite?) is when they pretend like they don't know what I mean and try to get me to ask for the size using their pretentious designations.
I remember in a movie once they were talking about how those type of coffee places give people in our modern times a sense of identity. I'm afraid that may be very true. Awhile back I was with a friend of mine at her workplace and a coworker asked us to pick her up a tea from Starbucks while we were out. She then told my friend she'd write it down. I was thinking, man, how could we not remember what kind of tea she wants?!? Then she writes it down, holy crap!!! It took about a minute to say it! Something along the lines of a green tea, half skim/half cream, low foam, with soy, yada yada yada. Dang.

Hockey Player Names

So everytime I see Goc (San Jose) - or I should say hear him in the play by play, I find myself thinking about how I dislike his name (no offense Mr. Goc ;) ) It sounds to me like a combination between crotch and gaunch. Bleh.
I had a boyfriend once who wasn't into hockey but would sometime see some when I was watching. He got a real kick out of some of the names. Please tell me I'm not turning into him. I can remember him guffawing heartily over Tugnutt. And Pitlick. Although I have to admit, Pitlick is a pretty funny name.
This isn't really about a name (although most people seem to pronounce it "Clod" - I thought the proper pronounciation was Clooowd) but Claude Lemieux back?! Man, I always disliked him.
Ah, that reminds me, I was quite disappointed to find out I wasn't unique in yelling out Pickles! everytime they announce Vlasic or Soup! (Soupy) with Campbell.

The Long and The Short of It

So again from the recent trip...

Who ever thought I'd be writing about fashion at this blog but there were a couple observations I made while away that I thought I'd comment on. It's a sort of "near-far" thing from Sesame Street coupled with a multiple choice exam. So here goes, fashion "advice" from GB...

If your hair is longer than your dress, you may want to:

a) buy a longer dress, skanky
b) get your haircut, hippy! (I kid, sorry hippies and hippie-lovers)
c) consider a new career as a Lady Godiva impersonator, think of the wardrobe costs you'll save

If your jean shorts are shorter than the pockets in said shorts, you may want to:

a) grow some longer shorts
b) reduce your pockets
c) start a new fashion trend and extend the pockets

Trip Wit

I recently went on a road trip with a few other people. Here a few of the *lovely* one-liners the van was treated to courtesy of yours truly.

Upon seeing a Jack in the Box sign: "If Jack in the Box went out of business the headline would read, 'Jack in the PineBox'."

Upon seeing a sign for Medford: "I never met a Ford I didn't like."

Upon seeing a sign for Yreka: (something like) "Yeah, why reek-a, get some deodorant and you won't reek-a."

Upon combining the box of Medjool dates in the vehicle with a sign about upcoming road work (to a recently single guy): "Would you like a date?" (He knows I mean a Medjool date). He replies, "no thanks" and I say, "Are you sure? Because there's a single lane ahead!" (That one actually still makes me laugh).

Upon seeing dead deer on the side of the highway: "The population is deer-creasing."

Upon a lengthy blathering about someone wanting to buy a ranch (because of the scenery we were passing through): "I guess it's better to buy a ranch than to have bought the farm."

And a couple that I didn't share for some reason (maybe some people were sleeping?)

Upon seeing a sign for Louse Creek: 'Hmm, so when you come out, are you de-loused?'

Upon seeing many signs with the town population and elevation: I found it interesting that so many had elevations with larger numbers than their populations.

Quick Quote

Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for - in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it. - Ellen Goodman

Wine Whine

So today I'm grabbing receipts out of my purse (I'm not a fan of the purse, there was a time I just carried my wallet around in my hand, still do occasionally, but, as usual, I digress) - things are a pain unless it's something you actually want a receipt for. So I find a receipt from a recent purchase of a bottle of wine to take to a dinner thing. Then, to what should my wandering eye(s) appear, but an extra item listed. For $0.00. What is said item you ask? Well, it says "ID NOT REQ OVER 40". Welllll!!! I'm not over 40!!!! {raises eyebrow with fire in eyes}. Now I know I'm pretty much guaranteed to not get ID'd by this point in my life, but still. I think in the last, say, 8 years, I've been ID'd twice. Once at a liquor store in Canada, which was a shock to be sure, but then more recently in the US at a restaurant!! I thought the server was joking but she looked highly annoyed when I started to laugh. I really think she thought I was trying to pull a fast one, crack a few jokes and make her forget all about her request. Or that I might try a Jedi mind trick (waves hand, "you don't need to see my ID"). Now I know some places have policies "we ID under 25" but still. Getting back to this "over 40" thing, I cannot believe they print that out on the receipt! I'm sure a couple people I know will get a good laugh over this one. I wonder if they have other categories... "ID checked, NP, over 25". Maybe they should come up with some fun ones like, "so fucking old there was absolutely no need to check for ID, $0.00" or "fake boobs, could therefore use other cosmetic surgery, looks about 62 but checked ID anyway, $0.00".
I'm just hoping that in 2 years I'm not entitling a blog post "the liquor depot finally made me buy those fancy anti-aging creams (but I'm so damn old I can't remember where i put them)."

Super Soup Saturday

Long (and not exciting story) about plans being cancelled yada yada. End result being that I'm opening one of those cartons of soup to grab something to eat, an unusual experience. So I read the directions re: opening (pull up the tab and tear) and I say, "wow, this is tearable soup". Which, when you aren't typing but talking, sounds just like, "wow, this is terrible soup". Isn't that scintillating? Maybe I should add that word to the title...