Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang

Don't worry, despite what the title might imply I haven't gotten in a lover's spat and killed said lover.

Nor am I writing this posthoumously because of being the one killed in a spat by said lover.

And no, I wasn't summing up quick foreplay followed by quick sex in 2 words x 2 with a comma in between either.

And no, this isn't a review of a recent adult film. I mean, yes, it is, keep reading!

In fact, the title refers to a television program featuring short films. I watched 3.

First one was called, 'How To Tell A Relationship is Over'. I put that title in single quotes because I later saw it listed as 'How To Tell A Relationship is Over in 90 Seconds'. But I think we can all rest assured that the film is about the signs that a relationship is over. Moving on (ha ha). This one was very short (but more than 90 seconds unless my sense of time is really skewed - maybe the film shows that the relationship is actually over after only 90 seconds and the rest is just showing the...what's the word I'm looking for here...the beating of a dead horse). Quick vignettes of a couple in a kitchen interspersed with black screen shots with phrases such as "Now It's War." (I'm not sure I should have quoted that either, it may not be 100% accurate. But you get the drift.) [Where does the punctuation go, in the bracket? Outside of it? I don't care to be honest, deal with it]. It kind of reminded me of that Pina Colada song but without the happy ending. This couples personal's ads didn't rekindle the magic as far as I could tell. Oh, one of the phrases featured on the black screen shot was something like, "Finding The Dead Pigeon" (oh bloody hell, that should be in single quotes I suppose but screw it - the punctuation/quotation I mean, not the dead pigeon, what kind of freak are you?? Sheesh). It then flashed to the couple in the kitchen staring at a dead pigeon, poking it (with a pencil I think it was) and declaring that it was dead. I suppose that was put in to illustrate some sort of symbiosis with their relationship but whatever. I kind of like thinking of it as random, because inserting the dead pigeon bit into any film surely makes for great comedy. (And I dislike when people overanalyze novels or movies, making every little thing into some grand theme - I am struck by the way the author of this post's use of single quotes mirrors the breakdown of the couple -the double quotes-....yeah, I'm kidding).

Second short was called "The Silent Treatment". Begins with someone lying in bed, camera pans over to the phone which begins to ring. Hungover man answers, his girlfriend has already picked up to take the call from her friend. He goes downstairs and tries to figure out why his gf is mad at him. She doesn't say a word throughout the short. Like a woman could keep quiet for that long! Whoops, was that out loud? Shit. Um, anyway, the gf is cleaning up after a dinner party and the bf just keeps talking to try and find out what he did wrong. He thinks the friend on the phone told his gf something so he is going through some possibilities. In doing so he ends up confessing to various things and of course it turns out each time that what he has confessed is not what the gf was mad at but I'm sure the additional material did not make it any more likely that the magic would be rekindled. (I got tired of trying to describe this crap and just used something from the paragraph on the 1st short, yeah, that's right, take that).

Third, and perhaps the most interesting, this short film was in Spanish (I think) but subtitled. Called 10 Minutes. Man calls his cellphone customer service line to try and find out what # his phone called at 7:35 that day. Soon why he wants to know is revealed and the film revolves around his interaction with the customer service agent. The title refers to the fact that customer service calls are cut off after 10 minutes.